How to develop your courage – it is a decision

Cover photo:Cristi Ursea on Unsplash

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Imagine what you would do if you were not afraid

How many times have you disappointed yourself by surrendering to your fears rather than taking actions? 

Umpteen million people face this, and it might create some sort of depression or regret. 

What you need is courage, yes. The good news is you can cultivate it. 

As a concept, courage is the ability you have to do something, even if it frightens you. It is a quality that emerges from the way you connect to your feelings. Likewise, it stops looking at distressing emotions such as fear, anxiety, guilt, or shame as hurdles to action. 

To start with, it’s necessary to outline the role emotions have in human life, as well as to distinguish between the adaptive and maladaptive ones.

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Importance of Emotions

Emotions play a significant part in shaping your perceptions, focusing your attention, and form your memory.

Plato said that “emotions are the unruly and animalistic elements of nature.” Based on this perspective, they disturb your peace of mind and thwart your ability to think logically. But this viewpoint ignores the prospective role of emotions, given that if they work properly, they serve to adapt to the environment. 

The main purpose of an emotion is to swiftly process a complex situation, preparing the individual to adopt measures if needed. And sometimes they surpass the attention of the cognitive mind.

To illustrate this point, fear aims at threats, anxiety alerts about taking the wrong path, guilt and shame could tip off about behaviours out of your moral compass. 

Bottom line, emotions are crucial, not only to survive but to grow. 

The issue comes when someone doesn’t have the ability to deal with ‘maladaptive emotions,’ which instead of signalling good ways to interact with the environment, they deceive and force people to behave in such a manner that affects their well-being. 

These emotions are petty demons which can take a life on their own, making an individual overreact on the basis of past traumatic experiences, thus becoming an obstacle and of little help. 

As a result, dysfunctional feelings give rise to phobias, anxiety disorders, depression, anger problems, and twisted levels of guilt or shame. 

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How do people cope with distressing emotions?

Essentially, in two ways: through ‘reasoning’ or through ‘suppression’. 

Such methods treat emotions as states that must be overcome, but the truth is that none of them neither develop courage nor freeing from the grip of the maladaptive ones. 

Reasoning 

This is oftentimes used when people know their emotions are not aligned with the reality of the situation. And in those moments, it seems sensible to try to use the rational mind to exert control over those emotions. 

Nevertheless, feelings are seldom controllable by sheer acts of will. 

As a rule of thumb, a powerful emotion is more likely to override your ability to think clearly than a thought is to override an intense emotion. 

Passion conquers reason. 

As this approach doesn’t free anyone from anxiety, fear, or phobias, they turn to emotional suppression for relief.  

Suppressing emotions 

As you cannot get rid of those emotional states from your mind, you force them out of your conscious awareness. But what you’re doing is sending the emotion deeper into the unconscious, therefore internalising the problem. 

Suppression doesn’t make the feeling disappear, but the few times it works, it comes at a heavy price. In place of anger, you may develop chronic muscular tension or migraines. The same holds true for anxiety and digestive problems or sleep deprivation. 

By repressing emotions, you create an additional barrier. Now, the pretext for doing nothing is not fear or anxiety, it is the ailments affecting your body. 

If neither reasoning nor suppressing work whatsoever, what is the alternative? 

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Emotional labelling 

By labelling your emotions, you recognise their existence. For instance, you can say to yourself, “I am anxious, I am afraid, or I’m angry.” 

This may sound stupid, but according to recent scientific studies, the action of putting your feelings into words helps regulate their effects in the short term. Naming emotions puts you in a better position when it comes to evaluate what the emotion is signalling.

If the emotion is adaptive and is pointing you in a clear direction, then follow it. 

With maladaptive emotions, not that straightforward. The advice is to do the opposite of what it’s telling you. 

By way of example, if fear hinders you from achieving your goals, don’t pay attention; go for them even though you are afraid.

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Benefit from the maladaptive emotions 

Defy the threats that bring about distressing states.

Herein lies your great opportunity. The mere presence of such emotions creates an ideal situation to cultivate your courage. The more of these emotions, the more opportunities to motivate yourself to face them and succeed. 

Courage is to take the bull by the horns and to be proactive, even when storms of doubt rage within, even when the earth is shaking.

But challenging your emotions must be done with cleverness. 

To begin with, create a list of small steps that could progressively expose you to either the situation you fear or the one producing anxiety. 

The reason for these little actions is to drag you out of your comfort zone, in this way, transforming those emotions from inhibitors to advocates of a stronger self. 

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” Mark Twain

When you’re touched by a strong emotion, label it forthwith. Accept its presence and then move forward, regardless of how uncomfortable you might feel.  

The more you do it, the less frequent those feelings will arise – just be consistent. 

As a caveat, these emotions may always be a part of your life. But the difference is that since you’ve practiced, they won’t be able to limit you, so you can achieve any goal despite their company. 

You have mastered your fears through daily baby steps. What now? Experiment with bold actions, long leaps. 

Fear is a reaction; courage is a decision. 

Life is about taking risks. No risks, no glory. Do you have the courage?

“Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.” Ray Bradbury.